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An Open Letter to my Husband After Becoming Parents

You’re different.

I’m different.

We are different.

The we that we used to be is now three, and our days, weeks and months fly past in a whirlwind. I’m always striving for perfection – as a Mum, as a wife – as an indestructible warrior that can take on anyone and anything, but this is not my reality.

Why do I strive to be this archetypal flawless wife? You’ll love me regardless of my flaws.

Why do I strive to lose weight, when my body looks the way it does because it created and birthed our most precious gift in the universe? You still look at me the way you did when I was 17 – I just have an extra scar.

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We are both guilty of getting so caught up in life, that we too often forget to be present. We capture so many moments through the lens of a iPhone that we don’t give ourselves the chance to fully appreciate what is happening around us, and to realise that we’re living the life that we dreamed of for a really long time.

Life as parents isn’t meant to be easy. It’s chaotic, messy, complicated and beautiful. We’re meant to mess up and make mistakes, we’re meant to have arguments, to yell at each other and then talk it out and move on. Despite knowing you for nearly 2 decades, I’m learning more about you every day.

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I’m learning that you’re indescribably and fiercely protective of your family and that you would walk through fire to keep us away from harm.

I’m learning that you’re more driven to be successful and provide for your family than I ever realised, and I see this by how hard you find it to switch off and how much pressure you put yourself under.

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I’m learning that even though I thought it wasn’t possible, you fall a little bit more in love with our son every time you get home from work and he runs up to you screaming “Daddaaaaaaa”. I see you melt every time, no matter how crappy your day has been.

I’m learning that despite going through the roughest of rough patches, because we’re both exhausted and drained I still can’t imagine my life without you.

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For 15 years it was just me and you – I felt safe and I felt secure. I knew who I was and I knew who you were. Then we became parents and it often felt like we were trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, but nearly two years in, I now realise that it’s totally normal to sometimes feel like that. Nothing could have prepared me for the ways motherhood would change me as a person and I’m learning to embrace my new identity as a woman, as a mother, as a protector and as your wife.

Thank you for being my constant and for being my number one supporter. We’re in this together – ride or die, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

(Writing this blog post made me feel incredibly nostalgic about my younger years with the tanned freckle-faced, blue-eyed boy that I met in the local garden centre all those years ago – which will hopefully explain the throwback to the baby faced photos throughout!)

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